Look, Colorado just gave us the 2026 champion of stupid government ideas: a bill that treats napkins like controlled substances. SB26-146 isn't about saving the planet—it's about socialists in Denver telling your neighborhood taco truck, Starbucks barista, and DoorDash driver how to do their jobs. Want a napkin with your burrito? Better speak up, or Taco Bell risks a $1,000 fine for the crime of basic customer service. Forgot to request hot sauce? Too bad. Ordered a hot coffee? Burn your hand—cup sleeves are now contraband unless you beg for one.

This is classic big-government micromanagement dressed up as environmental virtue-signaling. The same crowd that can't balance a budget, fix our roads, or stop crime sprees suddenly has time to police condiment packets. They even carved out weird exemptions and lists that prove they don't eat at the restaurants they’re regulating—Arby’s sauce gets a pass in the meme, but your coffee creamer is a felony. Meanwhile, actual plastic waste from Amazon deliveries and government offices gets ignored.

For small businesses already crushed by inflation, regulations, and staffing shortages, this is just another kick in the teeth. Owners will waste time training staff to ask "Napkin?" on every order, apps will add clunky opt-in buttons, and customers will get slower service and more plastic anyway (because who wants to ask for everything?). The environmental "win"? Negligible. The real winner? Bureaucrats and activists who get to feel superior while the rest of us deal with the hassle.

Colorado used to be the state of rugged independence and live-and-let-live. Now it's turning into California-lite with napkin Karens. If this passes, it won't reduce waste—it'll reduce businesses, jobs, and common sense. Time for voters to tell these out-of-touch legislators: Keep your hands off my napkins, and focus on actual problems instead of playing eco-dictator.